


Distressed Out

by LookerDeWitt



Category: King's Quest (Video Games)
Genre: Achaka is mentioned a lot but idk if it was enough to add the character tag, Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, One Shot, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-21 15:44:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6057136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LookerDeWitt/pseuds/LookerDeWitt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Graham's having a bit of a hard time coping with the loss of Achaka.<br/>(Takes place between chapters 1 & 2)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Distressed Out

**Author's Note:**

> I really loved chapter two, especially what it did with Graham's character in relation to fear. A lot of what he went through (being super jumpy, imaging the dragon in the darkness even when it couldn't be, flashing back to the dragon's cave and imagining being chased by it) all reminded me of symptoms of PTSD. And as someone who suffers from it, it was really nice to see in a character I love so much. It inspired me to write what Graham might possibly be going through mentally between the events of chapters 1 and 2.  
> If I need to tag as anything else, please let me know.

_NO!!_

Graham shot up in bed, hyperventilating. It took him a moment to take in his surroundings, but once he realized he was in the knight’s quarters in the castle and not in the dragon’s cave, he calmed a little. He pressed a hand to his mouth to try and silence himself. He was thankful that he had only screamed in the dream and not in the waking world. He didn’t want to wake anyone else and he certainly didn’t want to explain that he had screamed in the middle of the night because of a bad dream. What was he, a child? That certainly wasn’t something a knight did!

But still… it had all felt so real. Then again, it always felt real whenever he had this dream. Which was obnoxiously frequent. He always dreamt about being in that cave with Achaka, vainly attempting to help Achaka get an eye for the tournament. Sometimes, the dream would go exactly as it had in real life: with him telling Achaka not to shoot, and then making his reluctant escape after Achaka died protecting him. Sometimes, it was different. There were times Graham was aware of the dream, and would try and convince Achaka to leave, or he’d stall for time, and sometimes he’d even try to protect Achaka from receiving the final blows. But without fail, Achaka died every time. Usually, the events of what had actually occurred would happen, but sometimes, it was much worse. Graham had seen him get eaten alive, or torched to death in the dragon’s flames. And sometimes, Graham got caught up in it, too, usually while trying to help him. Tonight was one of those nights. Graham pulled his arm out from under the sheets and squinted at it in the darkness. It was fine, of course. But he could still feel it throbbing, as if the beast had actually bitten it. Graham remembered it so clearly; the dragon had killed Achaka. Graham had reached out to him, in a vain attempt to save him, but just wasn’t quick enough. The dragon swallowed Achaka whole, and had bitten down on Graham’s arm. He could remember the sharp pain as fangs tore into his flesh, but somehow that didn’t faze him as much as watching Achaka die had.

Graham laid back down in bed and shut his eyes, attempting to get back to sleep, but it was no use; he was just too shaken up. He was trembling like a leaf, and no matter how tight he pulled the covers around him, it wouldn’t stop. Even worse, whenever he shut his eyes, he’d see Achaka in his last moments, looking back at him just before he died. Soon enough Graham had had enough and quietly got out of bed, careful to not wake anyone as he left. He wasn’t going to get sleep tonight anyways, so he might as well go out and get some fresh air. Maybe it’d at least calm his nerves.

He was quiet as he left the castle and stepped outside. It was still dark out, but just behind the mountains, he could see the slightest trace of sunlight. It’d be daylight in about an hour or so, and then he’d need to be awake anyways. He sighed when he realized that he had been waking himself up earlier and earlier these past few days.

Graham was exhausted. He hadn’t been sleeping well these past couple of days. This wasn’t all that unusual, he supposed. Ever since his first day in Daventry, he had been having trouble sleeping. His guilt over what had happened to Achaka still plagued his thoughts, and it was about a fifty-fifty chance that those thoughts would manifest themselves into nightmares when he slept. At first he had figured that it was just him reacting to his friend’s death. It was normal to be affected negatively by something like that. He’d be heartless otherwise! But… the days soon turned to weeks, then to months, and nothing had changed. He still often dreamt of Achaka’s death, and he was losing sleep because of it. Usually, he tried to ignore it. He wasn’t about to let a little knight-mare bring him down. But recently, it had been more frequent. He was having trouble remembering the last time he had had a good night’s rest, and quite frankly, he was beginning to get worried about it. What if it was affecting his work? Or the way he interacted with people? What if he was losing his mind?

Or, he thought glumly, what if he already had?

He arrived in the town square and, to no surprise at all, found all of the shops closed, their lights extinguished and all was silent. He figured as much, but part of him wished someone was there. He could use someone to talk to.

He left the square, sure to shut the gate behind him to keep the wedzels out. As he walked out onto the dirt path, a nasty badger burst its way out of the bushes, in hot pursuit of a squirrel. It had caught Graham completely off guard, and he gasped and nearly jumped backwards. The two creatures went on their way while Graham tried to catch his breath. That had terrified him, but now as he watched the two animals scurry away, he couldn’t help but wonder just how pathetic he looked. Sure, that would’ve startled him on a normal day if he hadn’t seen it coming, but he found himself close to hyperventilating. After all, for a moment he could’ve sworn he had seen…

He shook his head. Maybe it was for the best that no one was awake right now. How was he supposed to talk to his friends when he wasn’t even sure what was wrong with him? The moment he had heard movement within the bushes, he had automatically assumed that something far more treacherous than a gross badger was residing behind it. He had imagined the dragon being there, and when he imagined it, he didn’t just hear it lurking in the darkness. No, he actually saw it with his eyes wide open. He didn’t just see it in his dreams. Sometimes, when he’d enter a dark room, he’d see it sitting there, glaring at him with its one good eye. There were times even worse than that, where the whole world would shift around him, his familiar surroundings would vanish and suddenly he’d be back in that cave again, being chased down by the dragon. Graham was thankful that those occurrences were fairly rare; he wouldn’t know how to explain why he was running away from seemingly nothing to someone if they were nearby. Graham sighed. He certainly had an active imagination, but this was a bit of a stretch. Maybe he needed help.

But what would possibly help, he wondered. He could tell someone about it, and run the risk of them thinking he had completely lost it thus ruining his reputation as a knight. That was the last thing he’d want, especially considering that King Edward was starting to really like him. He didn’t want to ruin his name now. That, and he didn’t want his friends to think badly of him. While they were all lovely individuals in their own way, they could all be brutally judgmental, and the last thing he needed right now was judgment over hallucinations and bad dreams he couldn’t understand. For now, he figured, it’d be best to deal with this on his own. He could handle nightmares and flashbacks and whatever his stupid imagination decided to throw at him. That’s what a knight would do. Besides… this was partially his fault. He couldn’t deny that.

He had been lost in thought while he walked and wasn’t paying much attention as to where he was going. That was partially his intent; he just wanted to go outside and get some air. He didn’t really have a destination in mind. But once he stopped and paid attention to his surroundings, he realized he had walked himself towards quite a familiar location. In the clearing just before him sat the well. After Graham had cut down most of the thorny weeds that blocked the path, it had gotten far more visitors than in the past. More people were using it to make wishes but some people, much to his dismay, were going in, attempting to take on the dragon themselves. Once word spread about what had happened with Graham and Achaka, several people had tried their luck against it. No one succeeded, of course. And no one made it back, either. Graham was still the only one.

He walked up to the well, placing his hands on the cool stone gently. He wished he’d never followed Achaka to this stupid well in the first place. So much could’ve been avoided if he had just waited patiently for Achaka to come out. He probably would’ve gotten the eye and been able to escape unharmed if he hadn’t gone in there. The events of the cave played through his mind constantly, and all he could ever think about was all the possible ways he could’ve saved him. Despite what Amaya had said, there _was_ something he could’ve done. Many things, in fact. He couldn’t begin to count the number of times Achaka was close to obtaining the dragon’s eye and making his getaway when he had ruined it by bumping into him or making noise. Even in the end, when they had been feet away from the dragon, Achaka had made sure Graham got away first. Why in the world had he done that? What could he possibly gain from saving him? Manny had told him that Achaka did what he did because he had been impressed with him, but now he wasn’t so sure. Manny had lied about Achaka’s entire backstory, so who’s to say he wasn’t lying about that as well? For all he knew, Achaka saw him as a loser just like the other knight hopefuls had at the time. And honestly? He’d be right. What good had Graham done anyone thus far? He had technically cheated during all the competitions. He wasn’t actually stronger than Acorn, nor was he quicker than Whisper. Achaka should’ve been the one to face off against them. He would’ve actually stood a chance, all while being fair.

Graham leaned over, staring down into the well. It was dark and empty, silent save for the faint trickle of water he could hear deep inside. Graham felt sick knowing that Achaka was still down there all by himself. He wanted to go back and retrieve his body- it was the least he could do- but it was just too risky. Achaka still deserved better than this. Achaka should’ve been the one to win that tournament. And Achaka should’ve been the one on King Edward’s court. Graham was starting to think that all the sleepless nights and stressful days were punishment for taking all of that away from him.

“Achaka?” Graham asked, his voice barely above a whisper. He was sure he must look like a fool right now; calling out for a dead person in the well, but frankly he didn’t care. This was something he had been meaning to say for quite some time now. “Achaka, I’m sorry!” He could hear his voice reverberate against the walls of the well, and of course there was no response. But he needed to say it now. If not for his thoughtless wandering, he probably would’ve never returned to this place, after all. He looked down the well again, listening for a response he knew would never come. He saw nothing but darkness yet again, but he thought he could make out a faint shape. He squinted to try and get a better look, and in the darkness he could see a bright orange eye staring back at him. Graham felt his heart begin to race again and shut his eyes, trying to rationalize his thoughts.

“I’m fine. I’m fine…” He whispered. There was no way that was real. Sure, the dragon was down there somewhere, but he remembered what the inside of the well looked like. There was no way that dragon could fit into that tiny room beneath the well, right? This was his imagination, right?

“Hey-” He felt something touch him, and in a moment of sheer panic, he turned around and swung at whatever it was. Thankfully, Amaya’s reflexes were quicker than his, and she caught him by the wrist before he made contact. She wasn’t intimidated at all, but she did look the slightest bit surprised. “Whoa, did I scare you or something?”

“Amaya?” Once he realized who it was, he was horrified and immediately let his hand go limp. “I’m sorry.”

“Huh. I saw you as more of a flight than fight guy.” She said, letting go of his arm. “Guess not.”

“Well, I usually am…” Graham muttered. She didn’t seem affected, but he still felt awful. Since when was fighting back ever his first response? He had almost hurt one of his friends! Losing sleep was one thing, but if he ended up hurting someone else he’d never forgive himself.

“What are you doing out here, Graham?” She finally asked.

“What, me? I…” Graham still felt on edge, but no way was he going to tell Amaya what was going on. She was the least likely to understand his fear, and always seemed quick to judge. “I’m, y’know,” he glanced down the well for a moment and once he found it to be empty, leaned against it, trying to make himself look as casual as possible. “I just thought I’d go for a walk. Get some air, you know how it is.”

“I really don’t.” She replied, looking at him skeptically. “Who just ‘gets some air’ at four in the morning?”

“Well, if that’s not what you’re doing, then why are you here, Amaya?”

“I’m on Wedzel patrol.”

“Really? I thought they weren’t really bothering anyone anymore.”

“Oh, they’re not. But it never hurts to patrol the area every once in awhile. Especially around this time of year.”

“What, autumn?” Graham asked.

“No. The Knight’s Tournament is next week. Remember?”

“Oh.” That would explain it, Graham thought.

“Hard to believe it’s been a year since you became a knight, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Graham replied bitterly. For him, it was hard to believe that it had been a year since Achaka died. Had it really been that long? It still felt as if it had happened yesterday. The anniversary of it was coming up; no wonder he had been so stressed out as of late. Something in him must have known.

“You don’t seem that happy about it.” Amaya said, seeming to notice his less than thrilled response.

“Huh? No, I am! I just…” Graham hesitated. “I’m not sure if I’ve been doing that great of a job. I don’t know if I was really the best choice for this.”

“I think you’ve been doing all right.” She replied. “I’ve heard King Edward likes you quite a bit.”

“Well, he does, I guess, but…” He glanced back at the well, idly stroking the cold stone with his hand. “Sometimes I wonder if someone else would’ve done a better job than me.”

“…Is this about Achaka?” She asked.

“Wh-what? No! Of course not!” Graham replied quickly. Amaya didn’t look convinced, and it didn’t take long for Graham to drop the act. When Amaya wanted the truth, she got it. That, and he was far too tired to even attempt to argue with her. “Fine, you got me.”

“Are you here to mourn? ‘Cause if that’s the case, then I’ll go.”

“No, that’s not it. I mean, maybe that’s part of the reason, I’m not sure.” He sighed, and turned back towards the well, staring at the darkness before him. “I can’t stop thinking about him. And the dragon, and everything else that happened down there. I even dream about it. There was just so much I could’ve done. Maybe this is what I get for letting him die.” Amaya approached the well and leaned against it too, but said nothing. Suddenly he remembered who exactly he was talking to and felt sheepish. “Sorry, this probably doesn’t make much sense to you.”

“Why not?” Amaya asked.

“Well… you’re not really afraid of anything. Why else would you be chasing vicious wolves all by yourself?

“You really think I have no fears? Everyone’s afraid of something, Graham.”

“Then what are you afraid of? And you can’t say Wente’s hugs.”

“Like I’d be afraid of anything he does.” Amaya replied, cracking a smile. “Nah, I’m afraid of the wedzels.”

“Really?” Graham replied, eyeing her suspiciously. Now it was his turn to be skeptical.

“Well, kinda. The wolves themselves don’t scare me. Up close, they’re kinda skinny-looking.” She explained. “But… it’s what they do that freaks me out. They like to attack anything that moves, which is bad enough. The thought of people getting injured under my watch terrifies me. And not only that, but people will move out or stay inside to avoid them. It makes the square all quiet, and I _hate_ the silence. Makes me feel all uneasy, you know?”

Graham didn’t know how to respond to that. He was surprised to hear that Amaya the Bold was afraid of anything, let alone the things she was so adamant about chasing out on her own. He still couldn’t help but feel a little discouraged. Amaya’s fear was something logical, something she dealt with normally and seemed to function all right despite it. What was happening to him… this wasn’t normal, right?

“Thanks for telling me that.” Graham said. “But… I don’t know, I still feel like there’s something wrong with me.”

“How so? You’ve been doing a good job.” Amaya argued. “I can’t speak for the quests King Edward’s sending you on, but you even said it yourself: the wedzels aren’t really bothering anyone anymore. That’s partially due to you keeping the gate closed, like I asked. Good job, Graham.”

That absolutely was not what Graham was referring to, but he couldn’t help but crack a smile at her response. He had been so unsure of himself and it was nice to hear some reassurance every once in awhile.

“And as for this letting him die thing- I don’t want to hear it. Sure, I don’t know all the details, but I know that he rescued you. He made the choice to save you, so stop blaming yourself and do something that’ll really make him proud!”

Amaya was right, and Graham knew it, too. Achaka had made quick escapes many times before; if he had really thought Graham was worthless, he would’ve left him behind.

“I’ll do my best.” Graham promised. This wasn’t going to go away over night. In fact, Graham wasn’t sure if he’d ever be entirely over what had happened with Achaka. But the least he could do was try his best despite it.

“Good.” Amaya said, turning to face the way they came. “Well, would you look at that?” The sun was finally rising in the sky, basking the thick forest in a soft red light. Graham joined her and stared at the changing landscape in awe. Being so caught up in his own guilt for so long had made him forget just how beautiful Daventry was. “When was the last time you watched the sun rise, kid?”

“It’s been awhile.” Graham replied. “Probably back when I lived in Llewdor.”

“This is about the time you knights are just waking up, isn’t it?” Amaya asked. Graham just nodded. “Well, you want to stop by my place for a cup of coffee? Something tells me you’re gonna need it later.”

“Sure, Amaya. That sounds great.” He said with a grin. In all honesty, coffee was one of the worst things he had ever tasted; it was far too bitter for his tastes and needed to be diluted with heaps of sugar and cream before it was even edible. But, he couldn’t bring himself to say no to his friend. It was rare for Amaya to show such compassion, and he wasn’t about to reject it. She certainly wouldn’t admit it, but she could be really caring in her own way.

Graham still felt nervous; there was no knowing how much longer his grief-stricken mind would play tricks on him, and he still felt terrible about what happened to Achaka. But he supposed that as long as he worked hard and became the best knight he could be, then Achaka’s death would certainly not be in vain. He still felt wary, but he was fairly content with how the morning had gone. Knowing that he wasn't alone and had friends like Amaya who seemed glad to support him, he’d be all right. Maybe not today, and maybe not soon, but one day he’d be all right.


End file.
